April Fools’ Day is a day to play pranks on our friends and loved ones. Cellophane wrapped on a toilet seat here, rubber ketchup stain there. You know, the fun, harmless stuff.
And while it’s a day to play pranks, we figured it’s a good time to reflect on fools. Are you a fool? Do you live among fools?
“We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools,†Martin Luther King Jr. once said, challenging us to be better.
A few centuries before that, Shakespeare chimed in: “A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.â€
And the 1980s brought us Mr. T: “I pity the fool!â€
This April Fools’ Day, we had a little fun coming up with this localized list: ºüÀêÊÓƵ Fools. In general, people who don’t realize how good they have it. Do you recognize anybody? Can you think of more? Do you recognize yourself?
People are also reading…
You don’t need Mr. T to pity you, do you? Don’t be a ºüÀêÊÓƵ fool!
1. Highbrow food snobs
Some people actually disparage the local custard/Provel/all that’s fried, gooey and delicious in ºüÀêÊÓƵ food scene. They don’t have to like it, but they shouldn’t insult those who do. And do they call Ted Drewes “ice creamâ€? Have they never set foot in Crown Candy Kitchen? Their penance is a Dottie concrete or a chocolate-banana shake.
2. Comfort bubblers
We know: Some people get white knuckles over the idea of crossing Interstate 270 in either direction. Or they don’t like crossing bridges that may lead into another county or — gasp — another state. Or they don’t venture downtown except for Cardinals or Blues games, if they even do that. Highways and bridges are meant to break through our comfort bubbles. We should all pop them, and get out and explore.
3. Downtown bashers
People who actively tear down the city any chance they get are part of the problem, not the solution. We’re not in denial about downtown or the city’s problems, but we also don’t let it stop us from enjoying the charm that makes ºüÀêÊÓƵ a great place to live. Downtown bashers are as bad as those fair weather fans who boo the home team when the going gets tough. We see them.
4. Harkbackers
Sure, the World’s Fair of 1904 sounded pretty awesome. It sparked a movie and that catchy song and popularized treats like the hot dog and ice cream cone. It’s nice to reflect on our history, but can we … move on? It’s been 114 years. We’ve built the Gateway Arch. We’ve overhauled Forest Park, the original fairgrounds. Surely, there’s more in the here and now to make ºüÀêÊÓƵ proud.
5. Beer boycotters
What about those who don’t drink Anheuser-Busch products any more now that there are so many crafty brews to choose from? Did they forget that the town was practically built on this stuff? They should support our craft brewers, but remember to honor our forefathers and crack a Bud.
6. #starmmoders
Rushing to the store for French toast ingredients? Worried young Emma or Aiden will shiver at the bus stop? It’s always a good idea to drive slowly and stay off the roads in bad weather, but sometimes, we think #stormmoders (or #starmmoders, if you’re a true ºüÀêÊÓƵan) obsess over the threat of bad weather. Do they like the drama? Did they forget the last time a dreaded starm passed with merely a dusting?
7. Stan Kroenke
Out-of-town football team owners who rob, trash then ditch the city? Oh, there’s only one of this type of fool? We don’t forget, Stan Kroenke. How is Los Angeles working out for you?
8. Traffic law snubbers
True, ºüÀêÊÓƵ has a lot of stop signs. But that doesn’t mean people get the privilege of blasting through them. Cyclists or pedestrians should watch out for vehicles around them, and people in vehicles should do the same. When the weather’s awful and the roads are slick and someone blasts right by us on the highway? Glad we got out of the way because clearly, that someone’s important. And why no love for the turn signal, ºüÀêÊÓƵ?
9. High school judgers
Like the harkbackers to the 1904 World’s Fair, we wonder about people obsessed by asking the ºüÀêÊÓƵ question: Where did you go to high school? While the question might help people discover common friends and acquaintances, it’s not fair to make class or intelligence judgments this way. And what if the person they ask didn’t go to high school here? They shouldn’t panic. They might learn something from “that outsider.â€
10. Treaters only
If trick-or-treaters come to your door on Halloween, do the right thing: Demand a joke; it’s the ºüÀêÊÓƵ way. It doesn’t have to be good (it probably won’t be) and it doesn’t have to make sense (many won’t), but it’s never too early for children to learn the value of a social contract. Plus, it’s adorable. Knock-knock …
11. Porch pirates
Avast, me hearties! Pilfering packages off porches is not cool and does not, in fact, make one a pirate. It makes one a thief. These pirates should buy their own stuff, and see how they like mailing it to a safer pickup location.
12. Internet trolls
It’s OK to disagree with a headline (consider reading the entire story before commenting), but we should all think about what our moms would say before we post online. Remember the THINK acronym: Is it true? Helpful? Inspiring? Necessary? Kind? Would you want to be friends with the Internet version of yourself?
Cara DeMichele of the Post-Dispatch contributed to this list.
Can you think of more? Add your ideas to this story and we may create more emojis in the future.